Hang Onto Better and Brighter

Written Friday 12 August 2016

I feel weepy. The reality of us leaving Idaho for good hit me hard tonight; we're leaving our little home and we're not coming back. We may not come back to live in Idaho ever again! Only God knows. I have a feeling we'll be there for quite a while. I love it here in Idaho. I love it here in Treasure Valley because it has everything I love about Idaho in one place. This is HOME.

CRAIG CLOUTIER / FLICKR CREATIVE COMMONS

It's moments like these where I, and all of us, need to exercise faith. Heavenly Father told us to go to Arizona and it's going to lead to something better and brighter. I  HAVE to hang onto that. It's going to be hard, and I'm going to have a very emotional few months, but I have faith.

While in our final stages of deciding, I thought a lot about the concept of something better and brighter than what you have now. I've wondered,"How will going to Arizona be better and brighter? "(Besides the fact  that it's hotter there - brighter, sun, ha!) and I'm reminded of when I couldn't imagine something better and brighter.

Throughout almost half of high school or so up until 2010, I loved this one boy. We had a great story, one right out of a modern-day chick flick, rife with conflict. When we met we did NOT like each other, but then became friends after going to the same high school AND in band together AND taking many of the same classes. Freshmen year I crushed on him, sophomore year he crushed on me, junior year we crushed on each other's best friends and became confidants and best friends, and senior year I crushed on him bad. I was heart broken when I found out he didn't return my crush, yet, I still liked him, a lot. The occasional phone calls and hangouts the following summer and during our freshmen year at BYU kept my flame and hopes alive. Even when I had a serious boyfriend I still liked this kid.

Smitten

While he was on his mission, he was my safety net, my back up. See, I'd decided, fairly early on, that I was going to marry him, if God approved. I mean, we were perfect for each other! Kids in high school would ask us if we were dating! His family loved me! My family liked him too! We could talk for hours and we had the same goals. I decided to accept him and choose him despite all his quirks and conflict we'd had in our friendship.

Right after he came home from his mission, I felt a strong prompting from Heavenly Father that I needed to be willing to put this boy on the alter and sacrifice him for someone better. That was HARD. I'd hung onto this boy and the meager possibility that perhaps he loved me too for years. This boy was my plan, my choice, my ideal. I thought he matched everything I wanted in a future spouse. I couldn't imagine anyone better. This boy was the pinnacle and all my dating experience agreed.

However, I obeyed and I prayed that if Heavenly Father wanted to take him and give me someone better that I would give him up. That night, I placed that boy I'd loved for so long on the alter. I gave Heavenly Father my trust and my old friend and love.*

As it turned out, Heavenly Father did have someone better and brighter in mind for me: Cool Apa. Six months later, I met this tall, handsome, clever, creative, intelligent, dream and immediately fell in-love. Oh! Every conversation left more and more hints that this man was the one for me. I was so comfortable and fearless around Cool Apa, and we became instant friends. He and I had the same goals, he was handsome, he was clean in mind, body, and spirit, and we could talk forever. Long story short, we'll celebrate our five-year anniversary next week!

Hindsight is truly 20/20. I didn't know it when I offered that boy to Heavenly Father, but Cool Apa is exactly who I wanted and who I needed. He is so much better and brighter than that boy. I know Heavenly Father loves me because He gave me Cool Apa! Heavenly Father heard all the prayers of my heart and prepared someone to make me so happy. Time has shown me how unsure my friendship with that boy were. I've seen with mature eyes how he treated me was not what I wanted in my husband. Now I know who was better and brighter. Someday I will look back and understand why leaving Treasure Valley was best.

I don't know how being in Arizona will make our life better and brighter. I'm comfortable here, I have friends here, I like it here. But Heavenly Father says that this is the next step to lead to something better and brighter. I have faith.

So, I'll cry and let my heart ache as we leave this good place. I will also trust Heavenly Father and move forward.

-Cool Mamma

*After a few months of awkwardly trying to be friends, that boy told me that he didn't return my feelings. (I learned that in deciding an eternal companion, both the boy and girl need to choose each other and then get God's approval - ha ha!) I tried to be friends with him after this rejection, but it just didn't work.