Holy Blasted Buckets: We Did It

We did it. We moved. To the currently sun-soaked, roastin degrees  land of (cue the music)

ARIZONA!

Mesa, Arizona, to be precise. Homeland of Cool Apa. I've pictured this day for six weeks or more and now we're here; I've thought about the Direction I've received over and over to come, and now we are here. 

Now the real adventure begins. 

For the next undetermined amount of time, we are combining two very independent, very different families into the same household. For then next while, Cool Apa and I need to share our room with both girls which requires alterations in our very comfortable, established bedtime routine. On that note, most of our 'very comfortable, established' life will change, not just in the little day-to-day details, but in many other ways as well; I'd like to think those ways are good. 

For example, I got to see and talk to Cool Apa's Aunt; she is the mother of his favorite cousin/best friend/brother who wasn't born into his family. I have always liked her and always feel comfortable around her. As we parted ways yesterday (actually last Monday), I had this neat feeling: I get to see you way more often now because we're here to stay: that's nice. 

Even with all the good things, this is going to be an emotional change for me: stress about living with in laws, being away from home, and getting a new routine down under someone else's roof; not to mention how well I don't do with change. The last move took me months to recover from and stabilize my emotions and mood. Add on that, I'm a newbie to Arizona. I did live south of Tucson in late June to early August 2009, but I don't think that was long enough to truly appreciate all the little nuances of living in this hot, hot, hot hot hot hot hot hot hot place!  

I'm still running on faith. I find that I need to exercise more and more faith with each step. I kind feel like this:

I have obeyed, I'm in the spot where God lead me, and I know I don't know where to go: there is still darkness and so many unanswered questions ahead of me.

When is Cool Apa going to get a job?
WHERE is Cool Apa going to get a job?
Will we be able to buy a house? Or should we rent?
How long will we live in Arizona? I don't want to move all the way down here to move all the way back up, but I have to trust in God.

I have to muster up more faith and keep moving forward, especially during this "storming" phase now and coming up.

But we're here! We did it.

-Cool Mamma

Hang Onto Better and Brighter

Written Friday 12 August 2016

I feel weepy. The reality of us leaving Idaho for good hit me hard tonight; we're leaving our little home and we're not coming back. We may not come back to live in Idaho ever again! Only God knows. I have a feeling we'll be there for quite a while. I love it here in Idaho. I love it here in Treasure Valley because it has everything I love about Idaho in one place. This is HOME.

CRAIG CLOUTIER / FLICKR CREATIVE COMMONS

It's moments like these where I, and all of us, need to exercise faith. Heavenly Father told us to go to Arizona and it's going to lead to something better and brighter. I  HAVE to hang onto that. It's going to be hard, and I'm going to have a very emotional few months, but I have faith.

While in our final stages of deciding, I thought a lot about the concept of something better and brighter than what you have now. I've wondered,"How will going to Arizona be better and brighter? "(Besides the fact  that it's hotter there - brighter, sun, ha!) and I'm reminded of when I couldn't imagine something better and brighter.

Throughout almost half of high school or so up until 2010, I loved this one boy. We had a great story, one right out of a modern-day chick flick, rife with conflict. When we met we did NOT like each other, but then became friends after going to the same high school AND in band together AND taking many of the same classes. Freshmen year I crushed on him, sophomore year he crushed on me, junior year we crushed on each other's best friends and became confidants and best friends, and senior year I crushed on him bad. I was heart broken when I found out he didn't return my crush, yet, I still liked him, a lot. The occasional phone calls and hangouts the following summer and during our freshmen year at BYU kept my flame and hopes alive. Even when I had a serious boyfriend I still liked this kid.

Smitten

While he was on his mission, he was my safety net, my back up. See, I'd decided, fairly early on, that I was going to marry him, if God approved. I mean, we were perfect for each other! Kids in high school would ask us if we were dating! His family loved me! My family liked him too! We could talk for hours and we had the same goals. I decided to accept him and choose him despite all his quirks and conflict we'd had in our friendship.

Right after he came home from his mission, I felt a strong prompting from Heavenly Father that I needed to be willing to put this boy on the alter and sacrifice him for someone better. That was HARD. I'd hung onto this boy and the meager possibility that perhaps he loved me too for years. This boy was my plan, my choice, my ideal. I thought he matched everything I wanted in a future spouse. I couldn't imagine anyone better. This boy was the pinnacle and all my dating experience agreed.

However, I obeyed and I prayed that if Heavenly Father wanted to take him and give me someone better that I would give him up. That night, I placed that boy I'd loved for so long on the alter. I gave Heavenly Father my trust and my old friend and love.*

As it turned out, Heavenly Father did have someone better and brighter in mind for me: Cool Apa. Six months later, I met this tall, handsome, clever, creative, intelligent, dream and immediately fell in-love. Oh! Every conversation left more and more hints that this man was the one for me. I was so comfortable and fearless around Cool Apa, and we became instant friends. He and I had the same goals, he was handsome, he was clean in mind, body, and spirit, and we could talk forever. Long story short, we'll celebrate our five-year anniversary next week!

Hindsight is truly 20/20. I didn't know it when I offered that boy to Heavenly Father, but Cool Apa is exactly who I wanted and who I needed. He is so much better and brighter than that boy. I know Heavenly Father loves me because He gave me Cool Apa! Heavenly Father heard all the prayers of my heart and prepared someone to make me so happy. Time has shown me how unsure my friendship with that boy were. I've seen with mature eyes how he treated me was not what I wanted in my husband. Now I know who was better and brighter. Someday I will look back and understand why leaving Treasure Valley was best.

I don't know how being in Arizona will make our life better and brighter. I'm comfortable here, I have friends here, I like it here. But Heavenly Father says that this is the next step to lead to something better and brighter. I have faith.

So, I'll cry and let my heart ache as we leave this good place. I will also trust Heavenly Father and move forward.

-Cool Mamma

*After a few months of awkwardly trying to be friends, that boy told me that he didn't return my feelings. (I learned that in deciding an eternal companion, both the boy and girl need to choose each other and then get God's approval - ha ha!) I tried to be friends with him after this rejection, but it just didn't work.

Trenches of Packing

Packing. Holy buckets.

This is really all I have to show for my efforts over the past week;
all the rest is just the 'mess before it gets better.'

Packing to move is hard! The hardest thing about it, besides getting the motivation to actually do it, is all the tiny little decisions: keep or throw away? put in storage or keep out to pack later? what container or bag should I use? pack now and do without or pack later? how do I pack this? do I want everything thrown in boxes or nicely organize? I think that's why making dinner has been SO HARD the past week; it's ANOTHER decision. Yeehaw.

As if packing and keeping a mental tally of everything that needs to be done, cleaned, asked, or otherwise taken care of isn't enough, I've put this great pressure on myself to get a lot done! We only have ....

7 days!! 

Poop. My lack of motivation and difficulty focusing on one task at a time is making this increasingly difficult. I need the shot in the arm that seeing my family at the weddings (see above) will give me so I can pack, but I really need to pack before we go to the weddings! Eiya! 

I will be asking for help from our ward and friends, but before then, I'm going to gather the grit I need and watch Star Trek: Voyager, You've Got Mail, and maybe some Olympics to get me through. 

-Cool Mamma 

Course Correction

Cool Apa getting laid off is a huge course-correction. Just as you get comfortable traveling through life's highway, God tells you to adjust course: either by giving you a slightly different route to your destination or by telling you to take the next exit and get on a different freeway, thereby leading you to somewhere you hadn't planned on going.

 This course change in our Vatervaar Journey is the latter. After cruising the good Idaho Interstate (figuratively speaking), Cool Apa's layoff has been the Divine GPS saying, "You need to get off this interstate at the next possible exit and get on a different freeway. And you'll be going to:

(Yes I know it says in the title, but please humor me and click play for the dramatic reveal. :D)




"What the stink is in Arizona?"

Well, in our mortal, finite, limited view, Cool Apa's family. (Hurray for saving money!) After that, hopefully it's the next step that will lead us to a job and a better, brighter life!

Yes this is our most recent family picture - five years ago.

It's not that our life here in Treasure Valley has been awful - it hasn't at all! Yes, it's had its hardships as everywhere does. It's that I've received the Impression from Heavenly Father over and over for the past, oh, six months or so saying, "There is a big change coming up and it will lead to something better and brighter." That's the thing I'm going to hang onto during the craziness in the upcoming weeks:

It will lead to something better and brighter.

-Cool Mamma

BIG CHANGE

It's been a hard couple weeks for the Vaterlaus Clan. Living up to its reputation of frequent workforce reductions, Micron is letting go 5% or so of it's employees, and Cool Apa was one of the many in that 5%.

Yes. Cool Apa was laid-off. 

We are currently unemployed. Between jobs. Celebrating our first jaunt of hobo life. 

"Wait. Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you just get hired by Micron? Like a couple years ago?" 

Yup. 

Ouch. Like ripping off a bandage.

I know. It's not personal. It's just business. 

In reality, I think this is a blessing, a gift. A course-correction of our life's journey to lead us to something better. What it is? Only God knows for sure, but He's been telling Cool Apa and I the next step.

-Cool Mamma

Család Vater Xerox July Letter

This post has been in the works for a long time. Updates will be noted.

Holy blasted buckets! I haven't posted on here for A LONG time! I'm pretty sure my lack of posting coordinates directly with when I got Facebook. Oops.

Facebook is an evil time vampire.

 I like being a regular poster. It's time to repent. 

In the Vaterworld since we last spoke:

Thanksgiving was really nice. My mother made sure that everyone planned to come to get together for Thanksgiving since it was the first one we could all be together for in 2 or 3 years. We also had Grandma and Grandpa Great (my grandparents) and delicious food.

Grandma Great (my grandmother), my mother (whom I will name later), and Scarlet,
playing tea. I love how Grandma Great makes EVERYONE feel important.

Traveling, even just to my parents', really wears us out. No stinkin' joke.

Part of the reason we're all worn out is that we all sleep in the same room
if my two siblings are home. I don't sleep well when Grace is with us. 

Couple selfie! We just don't do these anymore. We should do them.

We had a great Christmas. I LOVE making Christmas for my girls! (Even though I stayed up till 4 with last minute Xmas prep and Santa and Mrs. Claus time) You know you got good gifts for your children when they are more interested in playing with their opened presents instead of unwrapping more. I received three cookbooks - all of them were highly desired: I'm a good cook and love learning anything and everything regarding cooking. I once considered doing culinary school instead of physics, but decided to stick with physics. Turns out my love of science and cooking are very compatible.

I think this is about as much snow as we got all winter.
Not my idea of the perfect, white Christmas, but Arizonan Cool Apa loves it.

Grace trying to open her Christmas present She was really excited! 

Grandma Gracious and Grandpa Gnarly gave us a new set of BEDSHEETS!!
Nice ones too! This is a big deal because our bed is a California King and
new sheets are at least $50 a set. AND they match the quilt that Grandma Gracious's
mother made for us! WIN WIN WIN!! 

Starlet started SUNBEAMS!! It took a little while, but now she is comfortable going to Primary in our ward unless she's super tired and hungry.

Jesus wants me for a sunbeam!

Grace turned ONE! I can't believe it. She'll be ready for nursery at church next month. Her cake smashing was much more eventful than Starlet's: Starlet touched the frosting once and was DONE. 

My brother came up to visit the week of Valentines Day, the same week he got a steady girlfriend! That week I made Star Wars chocolates for my husband and everyone I knew! It was actually really easy thanks to the silicone molds I purchased just for the occasion; I haven't used them since. The next adventure with the molds needs to be Star Wars Jell-O, according to Cool Apa.

I just had to get these silicone Star Wars molds
and got them in time for Valentine's Day.
 Here's what I made Cool Apa. I think I got some wives in trouble. 

Starlet is so beautiful. Look at how her red hair GLOWS in the sun!
I'm gonna paint this some day. 

And Grace! Oh! She has always been a beautiful baby.
This was the weather in February. 

We started potty training!! Starlet is an expert at #1 and rarely has an accident. Apparently the best place for #2 is not the toilet, but your pants. Erg. We're still working on it.

I HATE poop, but my gag reflex and germaphobe tendencies have calmed down.

My in laws came to visit during their Spring Break. Grandpa Gnarly helped Cool Apa fix our 4Runner, Grandma Gracious enjoyed playing with the girls, Uncle Awesome remained the favorite uncle, but by only a small fraction because Uncle Grits really started warming up to being an Uncle. (Holy buckets, I'm gonna need a family tree to keep track of all these names.)

Our 4Runner which is the more stable car right now...

Uncle Grits was on his mission shortly after Starlet was born and very freshly returned when Grace was born. As the middle child with only one younger sibling, he's not had much experience with babies. It took a while, but now he'll help keep Starlet and Grace safe, actually talks to Starlet and reacts to Graces's faces and noises, and just dies laughing when they do something funny. He's turning into an awesome uncle.

Uncle Grits before his mission. I think this captures his feelings before.

Mother's day was AWESOME! Cool Apa gave me a digital thermometer that has a probe you stick in the food in oven and it'll beep when it reaches the desired internal temperature, a very geeky food gift. AND he surprised me by making my favorite dish from Olive Garden: steak gorganzola alfredo! OH MY GOSH! It was so good! And was JUST like the real thing! So so so so yummy.

Drool. Oh my gosh. Just like the real thing! 

We had our family reunion!! Cool Apa affectionately named it Vaterlarteger - a combination of the three last names of the families in attendance. It was my parents' family, so just them and their children's families. I was in charge. Thankfully, I'd been thinking about fun games I wanted to play with my siblings and immediately knew what I wanted to do. After that, I decided on the central location (my parents' house), the food master (my dad), and t-shirt makers (Aunt Astute and her husband volunteered.) Basically,  I came up with the schedule and games and delegated the rest; the most popular game was the baby food challenge I'd seen on YouTube. OH MY GOSH -HILARIOUS! I think I set a high bar because Aunt Astute and her husband were already coming up with really fun ideas for the reunion next year, of which they will be in charge. (Whew! Glad I don't have to do it again for a while.)

Aunt Astute's husband who is trying to guess
the ingredients in the baby food I gave him.

Uncle Oa and his girlfriend (now fiance) - she's a little grossed out.

My mother was way grossed out and profusely apologized for feeding us such gross food!

My dad rocked this game, but he tasted every single thing he put in his childrens' mouths.
 He looked the coolest blindfolded.

Cool Apa trying to guess. He didn't get many foods right.

My sister working REALLY hard at the ingredients. This team won. 

Precious! Have you caught onto the matching shirts these guys made?

MY FAVORITE PICTURE! Oh my brother's reactions were the best! 

June hit and so did a nasty cough/chest cold. Thankfully, I've been the only one affected, but it's been mean and nasty!! I have never hacked up/blown out so much green/yellow/cloudy variations of both in my life! (Yes, I know you really wanted to know that.) It's Independence Day weekend and I STILL have a cough. I just finished my antibiotics so we'll see what happens.



My birthday week I learned that one of my favorite teachers, a very influential man in my life, passed away just a few days prior and the funeral services were on the day after my birthday. Once I learned about it, I called my husband and said, "I'm going to the funeral. I want to go to this funeral." It worked out because I got to spend my birthday with my folks and go to a bridal shower to my cousin the same weekend. The funeral was beautiful and I learned a lot about that wonderful man. I'll probably have to write a post on that.

My 27th which is a cubic number. The cake says 'Happy Nerdy Birthday,'
has different representations of the number 27 on the side, and
has 27 in binary in the candles, an old family tradition in my family.

I know this is gross, but I sliced my finger one Saturday which made me unable to
play the piano on Sunday for Relief Society! I felt so dumb
that I couldn't play on account of my pinky! 

We finally got on Grandpa's boat this year and went fishing. Last year we optimized fishing, meaning get up at 4 AM to be on the reservoir at 6 AM, and had a very grumpy 2 year old at about 7/8 AM. She caught a fish and thought it was awesome, but was very very tired and hated her life jacket. My then less than 6 month old did great! She got to sleep and was ok with her life vest. THIS year we tried to optimize kiddos comfort. That meant on the boat at 11 AM. After about an hour of being in the heat and in a life vest, my now 3 year old declared she was ready to be done. Hmm. My 1 year old did AMAZINGLY well with her life jacket and LOVED being on the boat. It was hot and the fishing was slow, but the day was redeemed when Starlet caught a fish by herself!! I was setting up the boat's portable potty and privacy pod so Starlet and I could go potty and the glimmer of the fish's scales caught my eye. I did a double take and shouted, "Starlet! You're catching a fish!!" I helped her net it, a tiny little perch, and asked her if she wanted to keep it or through it back. She opted to keep it, I think under the false pretense that it would be our pet, and I explained to her that we could try and eat it. Cool Apa tried to clean it, but ended up mangling that tiny thing. It's remains are buried in our super lately planted garden, currently benefiting the soil just beneath our basil.

Grace driving the boat - she LOVED it! She whined and begged to drive it again.

And now we're into July! Holy buckets. 2016 has flown by, more than I expected it too. All throughout this adventure I've worked on my depression, which will be a post, or five. Mental health is always on my mind. Always. That and improving my homemaking. That's why I need to blog more - to get out of my head.

I've also felt impressed to "let my light shine before men" (Matthew 5:16) and JUST WRITE: tell our family's story. I hope it blesses someone's life! More blog posts to come! There are .... three I have swimming in my head that need to come out.

Thanks for slodging through the long post!

-Cool Mamma

Images stolen from: 

http://warframe.wikia.com/
www.newhealthadvisor.com

Mamma's Musings: Progress

I haven't written for a long time. All of my blog posts start like that, let's scratch that and start again.

I just had a profound thought:

Progress is a yucky word.

"What? No it's not. It means good things are happening, plus it starts with a 'pro.' How can it be a yucky word? You're crazy." Don't go away, it'll be good, I promise. Let me clarify.

Progress is a yucky word for most of us.

Why?

Because we really don't want progress, we really want results* and we want them now. 

I'm results focused and find myself feeling like a failure a lot. For example, my house is a mess. "Oh Cool Mamma, everyone who has little children's house is a mess. You're FINE." Yeah.....but is it normal to have stinky laundry waiting forever to be washed? Crumbs from who knows what on the floor? Dirty dishes with MOLD on them waiting to be washed? I doubt it, but who knows? I want it clean and I want it clean NOW. Once it is clean, I want it to stay clean and never have to continue

After I loaded the dishwasher today, I looked at the sink, still full of dishes. My disgust flared and my hopes sank. 'Why do I even bother?' I thought. But then a thought Cool Apa had came to mind; he said, "You know what? Progress is being made. After all, we're working on a lot of things right now: moving bedtime earlier, potty training, Grace teething, but the house is getting cleaner, piece by piece, bit by bit."

Progress is being made. The the thing about progress is that it's full of 'ing' words, not 'ed' words:

cleanING
makING
doING
tryING

All those mean good things are happenING.

I think lot of my stress and discontent comes from wanting to see the 'ed' words come to pass. But life is all about progress, travelING, tryING, doING, continuING. PrayING. ComING unto Jesus Christ. TryING to be better. RepentING when I make mistakes. WorkING on goals. RaisING and lovING my children. ServING those around me. TrustING in God.

Food for thought.

-Cool Mamma

*I know that actually being results focused is a good thing. I know there are seminars and stuff, but I hope you get my point that you get results by making progress.