This post was composed in June of 2017.
During the Saturday night session of the conference, he invited several people up to the stand to share their testimony and/or conversion story. Every time that kind of thing happens, I just long to get called upon to share my thoughts and feelings about the gospel; I love bearing my testimony and teaching the gospel. (My DREAM is to speak to youth about the gospel like Al Fox Carroway, John Bytheway, or Mary Ellen Edmunds.) I love this gospel and love teaching.
During today's and yesterday meetings I asked myself, "What are the pieces of my testimony's foundation? What are MY conversion stories?" (I'm convinced that we don't just have one moment of conversion; not all of us are like Paul or Alma the younger.) I listed many moments in my notes and felt the spirit confirm the truth of those moments and my testimony felt stronger.
As we talked about sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ, my blog came to mind. I wish I had the opportunity to speak to loads of people, but that's not my calling right now. But I can write and I can share with my little social sphere my experiences, thoughts, and feelings. So I'm going to do just that!
EFY June 2005
After hearing my two good friends talk about how wonderful EFY was, the spiritual experiences, the bonding with the company, and (of course) the boys, I decided it was time I go. EFY, Especially For Youth, a church program where kids go off to a spiritually enriched week camp, learn about the gospel, make friends, and come home full of light.My mother says it's the closest thing to buying a testimony for your children.
(To learn more see https://ce.byu.edu/catalog/program/10127179 )
Sadly I wasn't in the same group as my two friends as we planned. I was on my own! But I knew I'd see them during classes and meals, so it'd be ok. I met my roommates one by one who seemed to connect better with each other than I connected with them. It poked at my insecurities, but I thought I'd be ok. The next morning proved otherwise.
Every girl woke up early in order to do their hair and make up and dress up super cute while I was enjoying some precious time in my bed. As I heard them primping and polishing, the insecurities really set in. See, at 16 years old I kept make-up as faraway as possible from my person. I also didn't spend more time on my hair than it took to comb or brush it. I never dressed in the latest fashions because
Sadly I wasn't in the same group as my two friends as we planned. I was on my own! But I knew I'd see them during classes and meals, so it'd be ok. I met my roommates one by one who seemed to connect better with each other than I connected with them. It poked at my insecurities, but I thought I'd be ok. The next morning proved otherwise.
Every girl woke up early in order to do their hair and make up and dress up super cute while I was enjoying some precious time in my bed. As I heard them primping and polishing, the insecurities really set in. See, at 16 years old I kept make-up as faraway as possible from my person. I also didn't spend more time on my hair than it took to comb or brush it. I never dressed in the latest fashions because
a) they were too popular for my innate desire to be unique,
b) were often not super modest without alteration, and
c) they usually sat just out of my comfort zone (ie too tight, sleeves to short, etc.)
That morning, I dressed in my t shirt and khakis and brushed my hair. I felt very out of place.
THEN we did a modesty check. (Modesty is huge at EFY). Now, modesty has always been easy for me; I just like my body covered, always have. When I went to EFY the modesty check was doing the actions to "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes;" if any skin showed somewhere where it wasn't supposed to, or something was too revealing in some way, our camp counselor suggested changes, big or small. Seeing all the girls in our company (not just my roommates) in their cute outfits made me feel worse. I hoped at least I would get praised for my obvious modesty. My turn came up, I passed with flying colors, but nothing was said.
I don't remember what happened at breakfast, I'm guessing something to do with the cute or popular boys in our company and how I thought they paid more attention to the other girls. By scripture study I was edge of tears and just wanted to go home. I felt so, not cute. I don't remember feeling "ugly," but I wouldn't rule it out. I hid in my scriptures and began reading.
As I read in the Doctrine and Covenants, about the three witnesses of the Book of Mormon, I had the most incredible feeling pour into my heart as a thought, as if spoken, came into my mind,
THEN we did a modesty check. (Modesty is huge at EFY). Now, modesty has always been easy for me; I just like my body covered, always have. When I went to EFY the modesty check was doing the actions to "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes;" if any skin showed somewhere where it wasn't supposed to, or something was too revealing in some way, our camp counselor suggested changes, big or small. Seeing all the girls in our company (not just my roommates) in their cute outfits made me feel worse. I hoped at least I would get praised for my obvious modesty. My turn came up, I passed with flying colors, but nothing was said.
I don't remember what happened at breakfast, I'm guessing something to do with the cute or popular boys in our company and how I thought they paid more attention to the other girls. By scripture study I was edge of tears and just wanted to go home. I felt so, not cute. I don't remember feeling "ugly," but I wouldn't rule it out. I hid in my scriptures and began reading.
As I read in the Doctrine and Covenants, about the three witnesses of the Book of Mormon, I had the most incredible feeling pour into my heart as a thought, as if spoken, came into my mind,
"Cool Mamma, I love you, as you are, your khaki-t-shirt-tennis shoe - wearing self because
you are my daughter."
It was so powerful, warm, and sweet. The Holy Ghost brought the message to my heart that God loved me, my Heavenly Father loved me, just the way I was! Heavenly Father didn't care about how I looked He just LOVED me.
I found this message so unexpected because I was reading about something completely different than my divine nature. But since I was studying the scriptures, the Spirit came and gave me revelation that I needed that day. I needed to feel of worth inside because what I saw on the outside didn't seem like anything special. The thoughts and feelings in my heart were so powerful that I finished the rest of the week with confidence. I didn't care how I looked or how I dressed compared to other people. I just enjoyed myself!
I know Heavenly Father lives and that He is my father. I forget it, but I know He loves me, because I've felt it many times. I know the Holy Ghost speaks to me and gives me knowledge and feelings that I need. I'm not perfect in these things, I completely ignore that God loves me, but I know He told me He loves me.
I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is so much a vital, core piece of my being. In the name of Jesus Christ, KNOW God lives. I KNOW He does.
Well, one long conversion story done. If you felt something, I hope you do something with that feeling. If you like what you read, feel free to share.
-Cool Mamma
