Hang Onto Better and Brighter

Written Friday 12 August 2016

I feel weepy. The reality of us leaving Idaho for good hit me hard tonight; we're leaving our little home and we're not coming back. We may not come back to live in Idaho ever again! Only God knows. I have a feeling we'll be there for quite a while. I love it here in Idaho. I love it here in Treasure Valley because it has everything I love about Idaho in one place. This is HOME.

CRAIG CLOUTIER / FLICKR CREATIVE COMMONS

It's moments like these where I, and all of us, need to exercise faith. Heavenly Father told us to go to Arizona and it's going to lead to something better and brighter. I  HAVE to hang onto that. It's going to be hard, and I'm going to have a very emotional few months, but I have faith.

While in our final stages of deciding, I thought a lot about the concept of something better and brighter than what you have now. I've wondered,"How will going to Arizona be better and brighter? "(Besides the fact  that it's hotter there - brighter, sun, ha!) and I'm reminded of when I couldn't imagine something better and brighter.

Throughout almost half of high school or so up until 2010, I loved this one boy. We had a great story, one right out of a modern-day chick flick, rife with conflict. When we met we did NOT like each other, but then became friends after going to the same high school AND in band together AND taking many of the same classes. Freshmen year I crushed on him, sophomore year he crushed on me, junior year we crushed on each other's best friends and became confidants and best friends, and senior year I crushed on him bad. I was heart broken when I found out he didn't return my crush, yet, I still liked him, a lot. The occasional phone calls and hangouts the following summer and during our freshmen year at BYU kept my flame and hopes alive. Even when I had a serious boyfriend I still liked this kid.

Smitten

While he was on his mission, he was my safety net, my back up. See, I'd decided, fairly early on, that I was going to marry him, if God approved. I mean, we were perfect for each other! Kids in high school would ask us if we were dating! His family loved me! My family liked him too! We could talk for hours and we had the same goals. I decided to accept him and choose him despite all his quirks and conflict we'd had in our friendship.

Right after he came home from his mission, I felt a strong prompting from Heavenly Father that I needed to be willing to put this boy on the alter and sacrifice him for someone better. That was HARD. I'd hung onto this boy and the meager possibility that perhaps he loved me too for years. This boy was my plan, my choice, my ideal. I thought he matched everything I wanted in a future spouse. I couldn't imagine anyone better. This boy was the pinnacle and all my dating experience agreed.

However, I obeyed and I prayed that if Heavenly Father wanted to take him and give me someone better that I would give him up. That night, I placed that boy I'd loved for so long on the alter. I gave Heavenly Father my trust and my old friend and love.*

As it turned out, Heavenly Father did have someone better and brighter in mind for me: Cool Apa. Six months later, I met this tall, handsome, clever, creative, intelligent, dream and immediately fell in-love. Oh! Every conversation left more and more hints that this man was the one for me. I was so comfortable and fearless around Cool Apa, and we became instant friends. He and I had the same goals, he was handsome, he was clean in mind, body, and spirit, and we could talk forever. Long story short, we'll celebrate our five-year anniversary next week!

Hindsight is truly 20/20. I didn't know it when I offered that boy to Heavenly Father, but Cool Apa is exactly who I wanted and who I needed. He is so much better and brighter than that boy. I know Heavenly Father loves me because He gave me Cool Apa! Heavenly Father heard all the prayers of my heart and prepared someone to make me so happy. Time has shown me how unsure my friendship with that boy were. I've seen with mature eyes how he treated me was not what I wanted in my husband. Now I know who was better and brighter. Someday I will look back and understand why leaving Treasure Valley was best.

I don't know how being in Arizona will make our life better and brighter. I'm comfortable here, I have friends here, I like it here. But Heavenly Father says that this is the next step to lead to something better and brighter. I have faith.

So, I'll cry and let my heart ache as we leave this good place. I will also trust Heavenly Father and move forward.

-Cool Mamma

*After a few months of awkwardly trying to be friends, that boy told me that he didn't return my feelings. (I learned that in deciding an eternal companion, both the boy and girl need to choose each other and then get God's approval - ha ha!) I tried to be friends with him after this rejection, but it just didn't work.

Trenches of Packing

Packing. Holy buckets.

This is really all I have to show for my efforts over the past week;
all the rest is just the 'mess before it gets better.'

Packing to move is hard! The hardest thing about it, besides getting the motivation to actually do it, is all the tiny little decisions: keep or throw away? put in storage or keep out to pack later? what container or bag should I use? pack now and do without or pack later? how do I pack this? do I want everything thrown in boxes or nicely organize? I think that's why making dinner has been SO HARD the past week; it's ANOTHER decision. Yeehaw.

As if packing and keeping a mental tally of everything that needs to be done, cleaned, asked, or otherwise taken care of isn't enough, I've put this great pressure on myself to get a lot done! We only have ....

7 days!! 

Poop. My lack of motivation and difficulty focusing on one task at a time is making this increasingly difficult. I need the shot in the arm that seeing my family at the weddings (see above) will give me so I can pack, but I really need to pack before we go to the weddings! Eiya! 

I will be asking for help from our ward and friends, but before then, I'm going to gather the grit I need and watch Star Trek: Voyager, You've Got Mail, and maybe some Olympics to get me through. 

-Cool Mamma 

Course Correction

Cool Apa getting laid off is a huge course-correction. Just as you get comfortable traveling through life's highway, God tells you to adjust course: either by giving you a slightly different route to your destination or by telling you to take the next exit and get on a different freeway, thereby leading you to somewhere you hadn't planned on going.

 This course change in our Vatervaar Journey is the latter. After cruising the good Idaho Interstate (figuratively speaking), Cool Apa's layoff has been the Divine GPS saying, "You need to get off this interstate at the next possible exit and get on a different freeway. And you'll be going to:

(Yes I know it says in the title, but please humor me and click play for the dramatic reveal. :D)




"What the stink is in Arizona?"

Well, in our mortal, finite, limited view, Cool Apa's family. (Hurray for saving money!) After that, hopefully it's the next step that will lead us to a job and a better, brighter life!

Yes this is our most recent family picture - five years ago.

It's not that our life here in Treasure Valley has been awful - it hasn't at all! Yes, it's had its hardships as everywhere does. It's that I've received the Impression from Heavenly Father over and over for the past, oh, six months or so saying, "There is a big change coming up and it will lead to something better and brighter." That's the thing I'm going to hang onto during the craziness in the upcoming weeks:

It will lead to something better and brighter.

-Cool Mamma

BIG CHANGE

It's been a hard couple weeks for the Vaterlaus Clan. Living up to its reputation of frequent workforce reductions, Micron is letting go 5% or so of it's employees, and Cool Apa was one of the many in that 5%.

Yes. Cool Apa was laid-off. 

We are currently unemployed. Between jobs. Celebrating our first jaunt of hobo life. 

"Wait. Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you just get hired by Micron? Like a couple years ago?" 

Yup. 

Ouch. Like ripping off a bandage.

I know. It's not personal. It's just business. 

In reality, I think this is a blessing, a gift. A course-correction of our life's journey to lead us to something better. What it is? Only God knows for sure, but He's been telling Cool Apa and I the next step.

-Cool Mamma