Mothers

Happy late Mothers day! 

To my mother: 

One of my therapists suggested that I had deep resentment of my mother and that it was because of her I went to therapy. At first, I was like, "Yeah. Makes sense. My relationship with my mother isn't perfect," but now I'm like, "BULL S---!" 

I LOVE MY MOTHER! 

She has always been my best friend. Every day I came home from school, sat at the head of our kitchen table, ate a snack, and talked my mom's ear off while she worked on the dishes or something. Mom listened to all of my boy woes. She came to my rescue when a completely smitten teenage boy got to close. She yelled at more than one boy for making me cry! Mom let me call her everyday during my very difficult, second year at college just because she loves me! She once said she would go to the very jaws of hell to rescue me if I needed her. 

When she broke her elbow and started having way too many surgeries, it was like a part of my strength had died. I had a mental breakdown the day she got in a car wreck. 

I love making her laugh! Starlet gets her giggling just as good as I do when I feel like my playful self! She encouraged my journal writing and is probably my biggest journal fan. Mom cried and cried when I got married to Cool Apa! 

I've learned so much from her! I've learned that humans, even mothers aren't perfect. I've learned how to take baby poop out of baby clothes. I've received reassuring words when times are hard. She's cried on my shoulder a time or two which helps me feel like an equal. I've always been a person to her, I've always been important! She says I will never know how much she loves me: I think she's right. 

To my mother-in-law:

Grandpa Gnarly, wait, let's come up with a better name: Grandma Gracious! 

Grandma Gracious is a wonderful mother-in-law! I wouldn't trade her for the world! Sometimes when I think about the possibility of not having met and married Cool Apa, I realize that I wouldn't know Grandma Gracious AND THAT MAKES ME SICK! 

She is so kind, so incredibly kind. She did such an amazing job raising her three boys: all Eagle Scouts, two missionaries (one's still on a mission), good working, faithful, SOLID boys. The first time I actually met Grandma Gracious in person she gave me a big hug! We text almost everyday. I send her pictures of Starlet which cheer her up. She works so hard - at EVERYTHING - but specifically being a good mother-in-law. Ha, I think she and I are so scared of being "THAT" in-law, haha. 

Grandma Gracious is so talented. Holy buckets she can make soup out of anything! She can also sew and find the best bargains in town. I love that she'll tell me stories about when she went to BYU, when Cool Apa was little, and when she was on her mission. When she comes to town or we go there, I can't stand the drive or the wait because I just can't wait to see her! Mmm! I just love my second mom!

Ok, Grandma Gracious, if you read this, you will probably cry and it's ok because I'm crying too! 

To BOTH my mothers: 

Thank you for having me/having Cool Apa so that I could be a mother! 

I love being a mother! Man! It's rough, no stinkin' joke! The past year and a half has been the longest period of my life! Depression and motherhood knocked a lot out of me and caused me to really reflect and ponder in order to answer the question, "Who am I?!" It has been a rough road, but oh my word: 

Oh what a wonderful road it's been! It feels SO GOOD to love and nurture someone, every day. I love watching Starlet grow and learn and assert her independence. I feel like myself when I just be a mom: I'm fun, silly, talkative, and musical! 

I love hearing Starlet use words that she's been learning. She is so sweet and loving. She is also so stubborn and demanding sometimes! She gives her friends kisses and hugs, and can't go down the playground slide enough times! 

I love that she stops to look at the tiniest thing like a flower, leaf, or bug. She helps me slow down and focus on what's really important in life. I'm learning and relearning about the principles of the gospel through her because I have to teach her. 

She adores her mamma! I'm the only one that can make the world better sometimes. Starlet likes to eat together, walk together, color together, and play together. She takes care of her baby and anything else that can be turned into one. Oh! I am SO GRATEFUL that I am a mother! I'd do it again and again! 

Man! Weepy post!  I'm very glad we have a day to celebrate our mothers. Since I feel like being a mom is the impossible job achieved only with Heaven's Help, and that in order to raise little agents of independence in this world you literally have to have super powers (that again come from Heaven), I feel like Mothers Day is like having a 'let's celebrate Superman' day! 

http://www.vectortemplates.com/

Thank you, all you Superman...woman....moms! Your job is the hardest and the most rewarding! Keep trucking! I am! 

-Cool Mamma Vaterlaus

Whirlwind of Life

I've felt kinda icky today in body and mind, so I'm taking the opportunity to just write. Cool Apa is bathing Starlet (THANK YOU COOL APA!!) which means I actually get a few minutes to myself and think outside my head.

A lot has happened in the past...month?! Holy buckets! My last post was written nearly a month ago, counting down until Cool Apa graduated! Whoa! Well, first off,

COOL APA GRADUATED!!

Hallelujah! Dream come true! I always pictured myself standing next to my graduating husband with our baby in his arm. I just didn't know that I would have graduated with a double major before hand! 

Starlet thought the graduation tassel was a hoot! 

Cool Apa with his diploma!.........cover. Hallelujah all over again!

Oh, and another by the way: I CHOPPED OFF MY HAIR! I did it! I finally did it! I've been drooling over and coveting this hair cut for nearly 3 years! One day I decided I needed a change so I went crazy: bought tons of new, cute, comfortable clothes at a kicker JCPenny sale and got my hair cut the same day! 

Before. The lady getting her hair cut and her stylist doing her hair were giggling at me taking a selfie.

The week before I chopped off my hair I went to Idaho and decided to let my Mom try at giving me the hair cut I wanted. It didn't turn out how I wanted, but it was FREE and an excuse to chop it off: 

After: Awesomeness. 

Do I like it? Well, yes, but. In the morning, I dunk my head under the faucet and then comb or finger through my hair. When I feel insecure and need some security, I miss my hair. I don't think of myself as a short-haired girl; I do think I look cute and I have to admit that my gray hairs are more tolerable this way, but I miss my long hair.

I think my mom said it looks like Grandma Great's hair, which reminds me! 

My paternal grandparents, whom we call 'Grandma and Grandpa Great' because they are Starlet's great grandparents.

I ADORE my grandparents! We grew up just an hour away from where they live so we frequented their abode for birthdays, baptisms, Mother's/Father's days, and every other holiday. They are so special to me and I ALWAYS feel their love. From Grandpa Great, I get my love of fishing in Grandpa's boat and Chevrolet's! I remember lots of little stories my father told me about Grandpa Great whenever I see a railroad or hear about Preston, Idaho. I also treasure the spiritual experiences I've had at Grandpa's knee: him giving my father a blessing, family prayer with the whole family together, and learning how great a quiver full of children is! From Grandma Great, I feel such love! She is such an example of how to really love someone in the way they need. Grandma is SO talented at taking a sad situation and turning it around. She loves giving gifts and hosts the BEST Christmas party EVER! Mmm! I love my grandparents!

Let's see, what else has happened? Oh! We got Starlet a toddler bed! She used it and loved it for about a week, at which point she decided her bed was a scary monster that would eat her....or something like that.

So we switched back to the crib. It makes sense why we switched back though: we switched Starlet to the toddler bed right in the middle of graduation and BYU Women's Conference. Too many interruptions for her brain to handle! (I don't blame her.)

BYU Women's Conference was good! I went with my mother and Aunt Marvelous; those two have been going for 19 YEARS! Supposedly they go to the conference to receive spiritual nourishment and vital encouragement, but I think they do it mainly to party and get away for a weekend. Aunt Marvelous and my mom are dear dear friends.

http://women-of-light.blogspot.com/

Well, I definitely enjoyed laughing with Aunt Marvelous, talking to my mother, eating out every night for a few days, AND taking a break from being Mommy, but I also learned a few things. Maybe I'll  make a post about it later. 

I'm finally going to wrap up this post.  Whirlwind of life is crazy! 

-Cool Mamma Vaterlaus