Growing Babies, Growing Testimonies

Today, as all Christians know, is the Holy Sabbath, the day of rest. On this Sabbath, "day of rest" is literally the theme of the day. I woke up, prepared my Sunday School lesson, showered and got dressed, ate breakfast, and got hit with the Pregnancy Fatigue Express: that beautiful train that pulls into the station at full speed in the third trimester. My husband encouraged me to make the necessary arrangements for my lesson and stay home. Though disappointed, my body quickly told me that I better agree and hearken to his counsel.

Not only am I disappointed because I won't get to teach my youth today, (I teach the 12 and 13 year olds about the gospel from Come Follow Me, the coolest manual ever) but I won't be able to bear my testimony in Fast and Testimony meeting like I'd planned; I was very excited to share my testimony of the prophet today. I realized I can still do that, just through a different medium.

I want you to know that I know that's President Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God. He is THE representative of God and leader of Christ's church. Just like how God spoke to Moses, God speaks to President Monson today. President Monson isn't just some wise, grandfather figure giving us good advice; he has been called by God and given God's authority to serve, teach, love, and lead mankind to the Savior at this time. (See Jeremiah 1:5 and Abraham 3:22-23)

I know  this to be true because the Holy Spirit has testified it to my heart, and I believe that the communication we receive from the Holy Spirit is stronger and clearer than any other communication. (See Matthew 16:16-17 and 1 Chorinthians 12:3) 

A few general conferences ago, I was struggling to know that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God with all the social changes in society and some  thoughts and feelings I heard from other members of the church. I believed that it was true, but needed reassurance and confidence in order to be able to stand my ground in this matter. I prayed to Heavenly Father for a boost in my testimony of the sanctity of marriage and the family. When I started watching conference, as the prophet spoke, I felt a firm witness in my heart that President Monson is the prophet today and that he speaks for God. I also received witness that the apostles and other general authorities are called by God and also speak what He wants us to know. Throughout the conference, the brethren testified and taught about the sacred nature of marriage and the intimate relationship between husband and wife. My prayer was answered. I think I needed a sure witness that the prophet speaks for God before I listened to their counsel regarding marriage. 

I kknow God lives. He wants us to be happy. He speaks through His prophet on a VERY regular basis. If you want to know what God wants to tell you, then I invite you to listen to or read the words of President Monson. In fact, he will be addressing the world tonight in the First Presidency Christmas Devotional. Tune in. Listen. Sing along with the hymns of Christmas. I promise that your heart, if it is soft and open, will be touched. Thoughts will come to your mind, feelings will come to your heart, and overall you will have a good, warm, peaceful feeling. 

I say  this in Jesus Christ's name, Amen. 

Bumpdate

My dear friend, Ashley, is expecting her first at the end of this month, and she posts "bumpdates" on her blog every so often. I'm about six weeks behind her and reading her updates has been really enjoyable for me; I've been meaning to tell her, "Ashley, you make being pregnant look fun and special. I'm excited for your baby because you're excited! Thank you for helping me be excited about my baby." I've thought about doing continuous updates myself, but didn't want to commit to something regular during crazy job hunting/moving/wedding season. Today, for some reason, I feel like doing a bumpdate now! I'm going to copy Ashley.

I am 31 weeks!

My picture is definitely not as nice as Ashley's, but you get the point.
Besides, Cool Apa was busy bathing Starlet and who wants to interrupt that!? 

Taken earlier this week while wardrobe hunting:

Shirt at Ross that I did not buy...

Shirt at Motherhood Maternity that I didn't buy....

Wanna see something crazy?! This picture was taken when I was 38 weeks pregnant with Starlet: 

I'm not sure if I'm bigger now than I was then, but I am DEFINITELY catching up! 

I knew I was bigger this go-around, but whoa. Interesting to see some visual evidence! Anyway! Onto the Bumpdate! 

How far along: Right at this very moment (8:30 PM Thursday November 13th, 2014) I'm 30 weeks and 6 days, but I'm answering all these questions as if it is tomorrow so 31 weeks!  

Baby is: about 16 inches long and 3.3 pounds. 3.3 POUNDS?!? No wonder her kicks are getting uncomfortable! She is a squirmy squirmy little girl. 

Sleep: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sleep's been an issue for so long; we don't have a consistent schedule, we've all been sick for the past half a month, and my depression and stress haven't helped me have super good sleep for a while. I don't know what to say about sleep. 

Symptoms: I have to pee, a lot. My pelvis hurts if I walk, sit in one place, stand, lift, or carry Starlet too much. I know that if I'm sore, that night is going to be tricky: turning over when my pelvis is sore HURTS! Or makes my hips pop. I'm tired, but I've been tired since Starlet was born and it's been an exhausting six months; I have a hard time determining what is pregnancy fatigue vs sick tiredness vs depression low energy. At the end of the day, my tummy feels heavy and I HAVE to be horizontal. I despise having to get down on the floor and then get back up: SO UNCOMFORTABLE. I think I'm getting new stretch marks upon my old ones. 

Mood: Ha, well, my mood has been in question for a long time, and I just changed the dose of my antidepressants so I really don't know what can be attributed to depression, what to pregnancy, and what to sleep deprivation. I will say this: I can tell when I skip a dose of antidepressants or when they are counteracted by other medication. I've tried to give myself a break this past week and just do the best I can. I'm trying to give pregnant, tired, sick, and toddler-chasing me the benefit of the doubt. Yesterday I felt like I had more energy and felt a little better sinus-infection wise. Today, Cool Apa took a sick day and the Holy Ghost really helped me feel love for him and have strength to make progress on some much needed chores and play with Starlet. 
Braxton Hicks: Oh yes. Those started about 20-22 weeks. Depending on the state of my bladder, my position, and baby's position they can hurt. I've used those opportunities to practice the Lamaze breathing I learned from a YouTube video and so far, what the instructor is testifying of is true! 

Baby's movement: Holy. Stinkin'. Buckets. This little one moves and moves and moves. Her favorite spots right now are my right rib and left hip, and kicks are starting to be uncomfortable and make me jump. The weirdest thing is when she does this "spaz, kick a 100 times a minute" thing! It's like a jack hammer inside you! She doesn't hiccup though; Starlet hiccuped everyday at least once a day at this point in time. 

Wedding rings: On. Always on. In fact, they finally fit well enough to not slip off! Earlier this pregnancy, due to stress or cold cold AC or something, they would almost fall off when I wore them! I was worried about losing them in our moving so they lived in a special place every so often. 

Belly button: Ew. I did not know how much of my identity was wrapped up in my BELLY BUTTON! It feels like the tied end of a really big water balloon. For a while it was if it had two 'heads' or 'outie points.' *Shudder.* It's just weird and big and changes everyday and makes me gag. Ick. 

Doctor says: Baby looks fantastic and perfect. She's keeping tabs on my mental health and has encouraged me to wear a belly band. 

Favorite moment(s): I love when Starlet says, "Baby! Sister!" and states the name that she came up with BY HERSELF! It's a legit name too, not like Marshmallow or Gada (filler word) or Zowki (Mike Wazowski). Sorry, it's not official yet, plus this blog will get a nick name anyway. 

What I've done/bought for baby: Hahahahahaha! Um....nothing really. We need to either get Starlet in her big girl bed once and for all so we can kife the crib, use my parents' cradle again, or buy something new all together. 

 Now I feel cool like Ashley! 

-Cool Mamma 

"Cause [bein' sick] is hard to do."

One of my favorite songs is "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" by Neil Sedaka:



I love this type of music: predictable chord structure, simple rhyme schemes, and whiny, sappy, corny teenage lyrics!! I bought this song because I was planning on breaking up with my boyfriend. (Not Cool Apa, the boyfriend before him; he was the playlist boyfriend.)

Today I'm rewriting the lyrics to Neil's hit:

"[Bein' Sick] Is Hard To Do"

Do do do
Down dooby doo down down
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down
Being sick is hard to do

Oh what's happened to our family?
Our home's a pot of misery!
It's an infection, not the flu
Still, being sick is hard to do

Oh my lands! My throat is tight!
My baby can't sleep through the night
O' please gimme another tissue
'Cause being sick is hard to do

They say that being sick is hard to do
Now I know
I know that it's true
It feels like this is the end
I do not know when I'll be breathing normally again

I coughed so hard, I lost my eye.
I feel so sick, I think I'll die.
Oh dear it's coming, I say "ACHOOO!"
Cause being is sick to do

They say that being sick is hard to do
Now I know
I know that it's true
It feels like this is the end
I do not know when I'll be breathing normally again

I coughed so hard, I lost my eye.
I feel so sick, I think I'll die.
Oh dear it's coming, I say "ACHOOO!"
Cause being up is sick to do

(Down dooby doo down down)
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down

Hehehe! I feel better already! *cough cough!* Sigh, oh good ol' doo wop cheesiness.

Here's a snapshot of today's sick fest:



-Cool Mamma

Purpose and Peace

PURPOSE 

Today in Relief Society (the women's segment of church for all women 18 and up) we talked about proclaiming the gospel and HOW we could do that. I had the idea to talk about the gospel of Jesus Christ more on my blog.

For one, my local and church wide leaders have asked me, and all members of the LDS (Mormon church) to share the gospel with their neighbors, friends, and family. I have made a covenant with God to obey Him and I know that their words are His words. (see Amos 3:7 and Doctrine and Covenants 1:38)

Two, the gospel is a very integral piece of who I am and my life. I started this blog to openly share about how the gospel of Jesus Christ helps me and my family through the ups and downs of life: so, I should actually do that!

Three, I have been given so much knowledge and useful information about how to obtain peace and happiness in this life. Jesus Christ shared all that information because He loves is. How selfish I would be to keep all that sunshine bottled up and locked away from the world.

So with those reasons why, I'm going to talk about the gospel more on this blog. So let it be written, so let it be done.

PEACE 

These questions were raised in Relief Society today:

When was a time where you felt complete peace?
What principle of the gospel were you living?

My sister got sealed to the love of her life in the Idaho Falls temple the first of last month. It was my first time seeing someone else get sealed in the temple. (For information on what I mean by "sealing" please see this link.)

I felt peace being in the temple. I felt the love of God and the love of my family. The Holy Ghost testified to me about the purpose of life, the eternal nature of the family, and my mission of motherhood. 

I felt that I had eternal worth and that I was doing what God wants me to do. I felt the love of Jesus Christ and the power of the Atonement soften my heart such that I felt sorry for the poor way I'd treated my sister and judged her in the past, a deep desire to change the way I treat her and make our relationship better, and a reassurance that my wrong doings could be washed away and forgotten and I could receive forgiveness, both through the power of Jesus Christ.

I think I felt these things not only because I was in the House of God, but because I am living the way Heavenly Father wants me to live: I keep my covenants and I am temple worthy. I'm not perfect and I don't obey with exactness, but I'm working on it.

I have a testimony that temples are the House of God where questions are answered, peace and love are felt, and Christ's sacred work of building the kingdom of God is done. I believe in Jesus Christ and His saving, cleansing and healing power. I believe that because He was resurrected I will be too and receive a perfect body. I believe that families can be together forever and that if I and my family remain faithful to God and our covenants, we will be together forever. I know God speaks to all mankind, through His servants and through the Holy Spirit. I know that we have a prophet who guides God's children to the path that will bring them back to Him. I feel the Holy Ghost in my life helping me be a mother, giving me comfort and peace, and testifying truth to my heart. I believe that the Church of Jesus Christ is one true church on the earth today complete with all the doctrine, ordinances, covenants, and authority that existed in the original church Christ established when He was on the earth.

I say this in His name, AMEN.

-Cool Mamma

Why I need my husband

I started this post several days ago and ended up thinking it was a dud. But after today's events, I want to continue my writing

.

The italics are from twoish weeks ago:

I went to my 28 week appointment today on assignment from Cool Apa to talk about my pelvic pain. (Since about 10 weeks a long, if I stand, sit, carry, or just do too much for too long, my pelvis, tailbone, upper thighs, lower back, or all off the above HURT.) I had talked to my doctor about it four weeks before, but did't feel the need to make an effort to follow her recommendation. 

The recommendation from my doctor was a maternity support belt. :-/ I thought they were dumb and the idea of wearing one made me feel silly. Besides, I'm not that big! I thought it was only for REALLY big mammas!! 

Well, after a month of hurting, Cool Apa insisted I talk to my doctor again. She gave me the same answers and recommendations, which I finally decided to listen to. I talked to Cool Apa about her recommendations and he was like "DUH!!!" So on my way home, I purchased a dumb belly band and headed home. 

You know what? The silly thing helps! It really helps! When I wear it, I have less pain. I realized and admitted, "Ok,  Cool Apa. You're smart. You were right."

When Cool Apa knows what I need and I'm not meeting that need myself, he puts his foot down and either makes it happen or encourages me to make it happen. He's gotten better at it over the past year and I really like it when he does.

The story doesn't end there. Oh no. Cool Apa has been sick with a sinus infection since the 22nd October: 2 weeks of ibuprofen swallowing, Gatorade drinking, and lung hacking. He's currently on the mend and feeling much better, but, sadly, Starlet and I caught it. Starlet hasn't been sleeping well and two nights ago was the worst. I woke up yesterday super early and stayed up with a grumpy Starlet.  And, of course, I felt worse yesterday because my cough had peaked 

(or so I thought). Little sleep, which was poor quality, grumpy toddler, and I feel miserable equals bad combination. By bedtime, I was in tears. Cool Apa sent me up to bed and took care of bedtime.

This morning, my throat felt even worse, and Cool Apa strongly strongly suggested I and Starlet go to the doctor. He said that at this point in his sickness, he had a week or so before he started feeling better. This was not the first time he mentioned going to the doctor in the past few days, so, again, I humbled myself and said I would go. It was a task because we haven't established a primary care physician yet, but I manned up and did it.

Turns out, I have a sinus infection and Starlet has an ear infection! On our way to the car I had the same thought I did the day I bought that silly pregnant belly sling: 

 "Man, I need my husband." I need him for so many reasons, but the one that stuck-out today was this: he takes care of me.

Between my martyr, I-can-tough-anything-out syndrome, being a mother, depression, and just because I'm a woman, I don't always look at things rationally. I think men have a way of turning off the emotions and looking at a situation for what it is. Cool Apa saw that I was miserable and tired which doesn't help anybody. He knew that I would feel worse which would affect my sleep, affect my energy level, and affect whatever patience I could spare for sick Starlet. The solution: see if a doctor can help. If it had been up to me, I might've suffered a few more days, how stupid is that?!? (Especially considering the heaven-sent medical insurance we have.) But now, Starlet and I have antibiotics and a good husband/Daddy to help us out when he gets home. 

Thank you, Cool Apa for being so wonderful! 

- Cool Mamma 

My Big Girl, My Little Girl: The Balance

Yesterday was a fun day because Starlet and I got out of the house and actually spent time together that wasn't in front of YouTube watching Arthur. During the day, I just stepped back and watched her and I kept thinking, "Wow. Check out my big girl."

First off, she was such a peach at the DMV. I went to the DMV to finally get an Idaho license after my Idaho expiring/Utah is weird/moving mess, and happened to pick a busy time of day on a busy day: lunch time on voting day. Up until that morning, I thought I wouldn't be able to vote because of registration and residency issues. But, thanks to my very patriotic mother, I learned that I could indeed vote. I slacked on my democratic privilege all through college and deeply want to participate in my local elections, now that I'm a "full-fledged" adult. Before I could vote, I needed a good ID, so Starlet and I went when we could. Like I said, she was a peach! With naptime swiftly approaching, I was pleased that she held herself together so well for so long. I even had to take the Idaho Driving Test again (37/40 closed book and no studying, thank you very much!) which she sat through just fine. Towards the end her crankiness was starting to show, but she still didn't fuss until we got in the car! Man, I'm spoiled. She was also so good when I went to vote later that evening. Just a big girl!



Second, after getting her hands dirty during a meal, Starlet got out of her chair saying, "Han. (hand) Wash," and waltzing right into the bathroom herself. She puts the stool in front of the sink, can turn on the water, though I usually do it because I'm afraid she'll burn herself, picks up the soap, puts her hands underneath the water, repeats several times, turns off the water, and then lightly dries her hands. If I try and help or do it for her, she gripes and calls me out for interference by saying, "No, Mamma! 'Way, Mamma! (Go away) Mine!"  So I just stand back occasionally, and usually futilly,  suggest she stop using the soap or actually rub her hands together OR finally do her final rinse, turn off the water, and dry her hands. As I watched her, I just couldn't believe it: my little baby is washing her hands HERSELF! I know it's such a simple task, but she's two! (Heck, teaching her how to wipe her bum in a few months will be an accomplishment.) As I took a picture, all I could think was, "my big girl."

Lastly, I asked Starlet to come help me make dinner. It was an attempt to entertain her without using our favorite aardvark. Plus, I was making pizza: it's already messy so what is there to loose! Starlet followed my instructions very well, made an excellent pizza, and had a blast! She even requested making pizza this morning! As I was watching her paint her pizza with tomato sauce, it hit me again, "my big girl." 

Even right now, as I type this, she's playing by herself with a bus and Monster's University/Inc. toys. My my! What a big girl! She can clime into the car by herself, request food, ask very politely for Arthur or whatever, and is talking more and more every day. 

As with many things, there is another side to this coin.

With all this growing up and gaining skills the past while, Starlet's had trouble with getting to sleep by herself. She used to be a piece of cake to put to bed, and now she stalls and stalls and stalls us leaving her room and cries like it's the end of the world when we leave. This is not normal for her. I read about sleep regression in 2 year olds and looked up some suggestions, but I felt like some little insecurity had grown in her and she just needs her mamma. In trying to figure all this sleep garbage out, I realized, "She is only 2. She is still my little girl." 

In anticipating our new baby, I think I've made Starlet older than she is because after all, she's going to be the big sister. She's the child who can feed herself. She's the child that sleeps through the night. She's the child who can talk! But when I think about it, she's only been on Earth for 25 months! 

So Starlet is big, but little. I realized that there is a balance between helping her be independent and assuming she can do everything. I also thought, "This is going to be a challenge all through out parenthood. It's not going to go away even when she's 12, 16, 21, or perhaps 40! One thing that has blessed me the most is my parents treating me like an adult and my own person all my life. It is very important to me that I do the same for Starlet and not hover over her every little experience and dilemma. It is going to be a difficult balance to maintain. 

I'm grateful for the Holy Ghost and his help in the matter. I could not be a mother without Heaven's help everyday. I know that I will be guided to do my best in this balance. 

-Cool Mamma  

Ramblings

I want to write, but what should I write about?

I could write about how I've been 'down a pawn' in the game of chess between me and depression;



I've thought this before and have since changed the dose on some of my medication (I really dislike the prescription guessing game) and Cool Apa thinks it's having a positive effect. I think that lost pawn is due to all the stress of the move, but mostly due to me overexerting myself. I have worn myself out so badly so many times in the past so many days.Weddings, football games, even shopping trips have driven me to my bed. We all need travel life at our own pace and I realized something the other day: I'm pregnant! It really does take a lot out of you! Up till now, I've had this attitude of, "Show no weakness. Be strong. Don't be a whiner, even though you're pregnant!!" (Actually that's been my attitude for a long time about almost anything. All you need to do is substitute some kind of struggle, big or small, for the word "pregnant.") But I've gotten better at two things this pregnancy:

1. Giving myself a break. I am doing the best I can and that is just the way it should be. Compared to others (which I shouldn't do anyway) I travel at a snail's pace. But the other "snails" out there all have a different set of circumstances, are in a different stage of life, and have been dealt a different deck of cards for their mortal journey. I'm trying to do my best and trying to understand what my best is. All I know is that Heavenly Father wants me to be a mother and focus on building my kingdom known as Home, and I'm doing just that!

2. Recognizing and expressing my needs. Last pregnancy, I was awful at this. During this pregnancy in exploring how I want my experience when Sequelette is born to be different than how Starlet was born, I have expressed several feelings, needs, or wants that I had and in reply, Cool Apa said, "I didn't know that." I'm surprised at how much I repress, including expressing my needs. We all have needs, and all need them met. Babies are awesome at telling us what they need.Somewhere between learning how to be an adult and full-fledged adult hood, many of us stop asking for what we need. I'm getting better at expressing my needs and it's amazing the difference it makes. I'm the only one who can read my mind and know my needs. Unless they have heavenly Help, no one else can do that. I'm glad I've done it more this pregnancy than last.

Speaking of last pregnancy, I could talk about how cute Starlet was at the BYU vs. BSU game!

My parents took her into the game while I waited for Cool Apa to arrive after work.My dad noticed Starlet was cold so he put his hoodie on her. He set up his staduium stea which Starlet promptly commondered. This is how I found her whne Cool Apa and I got into the stadiuim! So cute!

It was cold , I carried heavy blankets or Starlet around way too much and wore myself out before the game even started. I tried to calm myself (and STarlet) down enough to enjoy the game. Sadly, my BYU cougars didn't make it easy: we were super behind and had practically lost the game by half time. Some time during the 3rd quarter, Cool Apa decided that I needed to get home so he got the car to attempt to leave the game early. We left the game early, but got stuck on the freeway home in game traffic. It was way nicer being in a warm car where little Starlet could watch a movie instead of being in the loud statdium watching BYU's defense make foools of themselves. I went to bed that night incredibly sore and exhausted. Yay for pregnancy pains!

I can't think of  a clever way to wrap up this post or  include my other post ideas into it, so I'm just gonna say, God Speed!

Cool Mamma

Beginning to Forget

Look at that awesome pregnant tummy! (I LOVE that dress!)

I don't remember what it's like to have a small tummy.
I don't remember what it's like to not have to pee every 20 minutes.
I feel like feeling Sequelette moving is normal and continue through my life.
I think I remember what the late nights were like with Starlet, but in reality probably don't do it justice.
I'm forgetting what it was like when Starlet was brand new. I'm glad I'll have a reminder.

Being pregnant just seems like it's always been my state of being and will always be. I'm realizing that there really is an end I'm sight and that makes me feel good. Even despite my growing tummy.

-Cool Mamma Vaterlaus

"Sorry, Brain. It says no traveling on days with the letter 'Y' in them."

We watch a lot of Arthur around here. I grew up watching that show and LOVED it. I didn't realize how much I loved it until I met the man who claims Arthur is his favorite TV show. Oh! My heart melted and I knew I was in love!

Well, in the Arthur episode, "Best of the Nest," Prunella explains my current sentiments exactly:

""Sorry, Brain. It says no traveling on days with the letter 'Y' in them."

We got home from traveling 2700 miles in only 12 days this Sunday. Yick. It was definitely worth it, however, but that's another blog post. (I started it on the computer, continued it on my phone, and between the two, I didn't save it. :( )

Needless to say, I'm done traveling for a while!

Our Sequel is a Sequelette

Yup! We are having another girl! Starlet already has a name picked out, which is outstanding for an almost-two-year old, I think. Cool Apa and I are pretty much sold on it, I think. 

Not gonna lie, I was hoping for a boy, so I was a little disappointed, but after realizing that we have all the clothes we need AND hearing everyone say, "Oh! Sisters! They'll be the best of friends!" I'm excited for another girl. 

What do you think? Red head or no? 

-Cool Mamma 

I Achieved the Impossible

My sister, Aunt Astute, is getting married to her high-school-wrote-him-on-his-mission-very-first-and-only-boyfriend sweetheart in the next couple of weeks! Hurray! (Can't believe my little sister is getting MARRIED!!) I was  very excited when she got engaged because that meant wedding prep! I've offered to help many times, mostly expecting my mother to cash in on my free time, but my sister asked me to something pretty big:

MAKE the cake topper! 

Whoa!! I felt extremely honored, a little nervous, and eager to accept the challenge! Little did I know, my mother completely doubted my abilities (even though she's the biggest support and cheerleader I have for my artistic skills) and bought the requested cake topper as a back up, JUST IN CASE! HA! My own mother! Oh well. I'm pretty sure Heaven helped me from visualizing the design to purchasing materials to the actual sculpting of the figures. Here's how it went:

Not too shabby, eh? My mom apologized for doubting me. Apparently, I achieved the impossible.


-Cool Mamma