Monday, June 30, 2014

In Limbo? Roast Marshmallows!

As I started writing this post, I realized that my education on limbo is a bit rusty. So I skimmed through some Wiki articles and came to a conclusion: I am so glad I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. (Known most places as Mormon.)  My research lead me to articles about several different hell's and steps to heaven. I got very confused very quickly. Our doctrine of the after-life is as follows:

-Our Spirits are separated from our bodies at death and go to the Spirit World. If you were righteous, you get to go to Spirit Paradise and help preach the gospel. If you were a wicked person, your spirit goes to Spirit Prison where you will have the opportunity to be taught the gospel, repent, and hopefully enter Spirit Paradise via proxy temple work.
-After Christ comes and finishes His millennial reign and everyone is resurrected (reunited spirit and body) it is JUDGEMENT DAY! Christ acts as your advocate to Heavenly Father. Depending on your level of conversion to Jesus Christ and obedience to the laws and ordinances of His gospel, you get to live with Heavenly Father and become as He is or receive another one of the degrees of glory.

So, yes, there is a waiting period, but a very busy waiting period. (You think missionaries are crazy here on Earth? There are gazillions more in heaven! Ha!) And the crazy thing is, the eventual state of our souls is one of happiness! Heavenly Father is going to put us where we will be most comfortable. Can everyone live with Him? YES! Will everyone live with Him? No. Jesus Christ paved the way and is the only way to return to Heavenly Father. Those who do not choose to follow Him in this life, or in the Spirit World, will not get the privilege of living with Heavenly Father. However, that is THEIR choice, and Heavenly Father will give them what they demonstrated they wanted. They will be happy, just not as happy as they could be because they will be separated from their Heavenly Father, forever.

Wow. I did not intend for that to be a lecture. Makes a good preface though! It helped me though - put things into perspective. So, returning to the concept of limbo....

I mean limbo in the sense of the "waiting period" like waiting in the waiting room at the doctors'.


Limbo is hard.

This is my favorite representation of limbo, from Sabrina the Teenage Witch: the others pictures I found are super 
crazy or depressing. 


Waiting in limbo is a transition period and I HATE transition periods. Even though I'm a spontaneous person who likes to play her day by ear (perhaps, that might still be related to depression...) I LOVE having a little weekly routine to count on. We have a routine, but it's a routine in limbo! Waaaaah!  
Let me show you what our limbo feels like to me: 





We FINALLY found a place to move, since student housing kicks us out July 31st, put a deposit on a place, and scheduled in the Vaterlaus Moving Team to come up and help us move. The only thing is: now I'm waiting three weeks to pack up my house, clean it, move all our junk into a new one, and start making that apartment a home. 

But how long will we live there? 

That depends on: Cool Apa's job hunt:




Even though Cool Apa is still employed with his internship (THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!) but we don't know if they will be able to hire him on full-time. Cool Apa has applied many places elsewhere, but no bites-hence the fishing analogy. I come from a long line of very successful fishermen and I really love fishing, though getting skunked is no fun. Not knowing WHERE we'll get a job or WHEN or IF brings up a lot of other concerns: 


  • If we don't get a job and our $$ reserves run out, where will go? 
  • How long until can we last on our reserves? 
  • Will Cool Apa's internship keep being extended, giving us some cash flow? 
  • When will his internship know if they can hire him? 
  • What state am I going to be in next year?! 

That last sentiment leads me to my third limbo, which is actually good news:




"A sequel to Starlet? Wait, but that means...." Yes! Cool Mamma Vaterlaus is expecting! 8-D CRAZY! Surprise! It's surprising to me too! I didn't expect to be expecting until Starlet was at least 3. I was a little baby hungry, but was determined that I would wait until it was the right time. Then one day, I woke up, with this fire that said, "It is time!" And it wasn't just my hormones or biological clock saying it. It was Someone Else. *Points finger up* AHHH! Exciting! Scary! Nausea. Crazy smells. I'm already in maternity clothes! Wow! Adventure! 

But this adventure is deeply tied to the other limbos: 


  • Where will our Sequel be born? Idaho? Utah? Arizona? Maine? CHINA!?
  • Will Cool Apa have a job? 
  • If so, what will the benefits be like? 
  • Will we need/be able to receive government help if we don't have the cash? 
  • How will I do with two!? 
  • How will Starlet adjust? 
  • Will I take this new baby home to our apartment mentioned above?
  • Will she spend her first few months at a grandparents' house? 
  • Will I get hit with depression again? Can I mentally handle 2 children?
  • Will I carry her to term?
  • Can I really prepare myself for a non-epidural labor? 
  • Will she be healthy? 

(Yes, I keep mentioning "she," but I'm not far enough along to know what the gender is; Starlet and I just really think it's going to be a girl.)

It does come with some fun questions that make limbo a little more tolerable and even kinda fun:


  • Boy or girl?
  • Will we get to use all our girl clothes or have to get boy ones? 
  • What should we name them?! 
  • Red hair like Starlet or no? 
  • What will they be like?
  • How will they add to the culture of Team Vaterlaus? 

Crazy crazy crazy. 

So yeah. Our limbo, I mean life, is kinda hard. We're just WAITING on so many things and just don't know what the future looks like, minus the fact that in January we'll  be a family of four. Cool Apa said, "All this waiting is hard! I just want my marshmallow!!" Here's what he's talking about:





We're still waiting for our marshmallow, although, since I'm NOT 4, I feel like, "But what I want is more important than a marshmallow!! I deserve that now, don't I?" Ha. It's a parable, Cool Mamma. Soon I will have two marshmallows! Or children.....

What are you in limbo for?

While we wait in limbo, let's roast marshmallows! After all, if limbo is some kind of hell then there must be a fire or at least some good coals. ;)


Hahahahaa! Obviously this image is blatantly stolen off the internet, but I HAD to show you! HAHAHA!



-Cool Mamma Vater

Monday, June 2, 2014

Disappointments

I'm usually not a fan of negatively themed, rant and rave, "my life is horrible" blog posts. My life isn't horrible, it just hit a couple of snags. I just want to tell SOMEONE out there.

First off, we decided to move out of our student housing apartment at the end of June. We don't get kicked-out until July so why a month early? We both just felt this push to move, and when both of us feel that kind of push, I know it's got to be from the Lord. It just feels like He's guiding us, but we need to get moving so He can tell us which direction and speed to go. So we put in our 30 days notice and are looking. Scary.

I'm THRILLED to be leaving my 800 sq foot, no AC, cinder-block, one bathroom, no washer/dryer, incredibly tiny kitchen, poor excuse for carpet apartment.

I am quiet MELANCHOLY to be leaving our little neighborhood. I love the community, how everyone comes out to play or watch volleyball, and how one child playing at the playground can attract all the other children and mommies to come play. Apa and I have lived in student housing, and the same ward, for all but 3 months of our marriage. We brought Starlet home here. We've hidden all our junk in every nook and cranny here. We've met, cherished, and said goodbye to so many people from all over the world. *Sigh.*



(Love Megamind. I'm not sure why we do not own that movie.....)

Second, Cool Apa got a call from his manager at his internship this morning saying that he had something he wanted to discuss that could possibly be exciting news! Cool Apa and I immediately thought: FULL TIME JOB OFFER!! YAY! The search for a job would be over! The answer to "where are we going?!?" finally come! The peaceful feeling of knowing we can be in the area close to my parents and close to my brother when he comes to school!

Well, it was good news. Turns out his internship contract expired last week and his manager scrambled to get it extended.....by only three months. It seems like they want to hire him so badly, but just can't afford him! (Way to go guys, sticking with your budget! We could all learn from you.) Cool Apa thinks that his manager tried to get him hired full time, but just can't. *Sigh.* That is frustrating. Everything is in our favor; the company likes him, the employees like him, Cool Apa likes what he's doing, and the only thing standing in our way!?



Money. Poop. NOTHING we have control over.

At this time, as I seek guidance from Heavenly Father, I just get one word: WAIT. "Pack up your house, Cool Mamma. Move further north. But mainly, WAIT." AGH! SO difficult. But, I also trust that Heavenly Father is weaving our tapestry to our greatest gain, and sometimes that just takes time and waiting on our part.

Third, I'm just bugged at myself. It might have something to do with the fact that I stalled getting a refill of my anti depressants for three days - OOPS! But, little Starlet and I slept in past noon. Gross. She didn't go to bed until 11:30 PM the night before. Gross. We actually got out of the house to visit our friends and their new baby in the hospital! Yay! And run some errands! Yay! After getting a burger and shake at In-And-Out. Oops. Then I took a nap on the couch while Starlet played. Meh. Dinner, which was beautiful, didn't get made and eaten until 10:00 PM. Gross. Starlet is FINALLY in bed at 10:30 PM - 1 hour later than I hoped, but 1 hour earlier than last night! I dunno. I just don't feel very disciplined, very put together, or very on top of things, specifically my homemaking duties and financial planning. Much like this:



HAHAHAHA! And this is why I write! I feel better!

Oh dear, got distracted with dumb videos. Best one: