Knots: Part II

This is a continuation of my previous post. 

Where we left off was with the sentiment: "everyone has knots in their lives that they want to untie."

This reminds me of one of my absolute favorite episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation called "Tapestry." (For the full plot, you can go here. Warning: this episode is a little PG-13 due to violence and reference to a sexual encounter). The basic plot is as follows:

Captain Picard is shot on an away mission point blank in the chest, and finds himself in a white place with one of his arch-nemesis-es, Q.  

"You are not God!..I refuse to believe that the afterlife is run by you. The universe is not so badly designed."

Q, an all-powerful being, tries to convince Picard that he is God and that Picard has reached the afterlife. Picard puts up a fight, but Q insists. He tells Picard that they are going to be spending eternity together and he doesn't want Picard whining about regrets forever. Picard says that he regrets nothing, until Q shows him the cause of his death: Picard's artificial heart. 

"A mistake."

Picard mumbles about how he came by the implant with a tinge of regret in his voice. He explains to Q how he got it: Picard picked a fight with three, big bullies and ended up getting impaled, right in the heart! Picard says that he was a very different man in his youth, and admits that he's not proud of who he was in those days. 

So Q gives him the opportunity of a life time: a second chance at life. 

"Nothing you do here will cause the Federation to collapse or galaxies to explode. To be blunt, you're not that important."

Q whisks Cpt. Picard to his past, a few days before the incident, offers Picard the chance to change his regrets, and promises him that he will return him to his time frame, alive. Picard agrees. 

Picard ends up alienating his two best friends and avoids being killed, at a price. When Q sends him back to the future, Picard finds himself a Lt. Jr Grade; he is no longer Captain of the Enterprise. 

"Just not one that stands out."

After a conversation with his now superiors, he finds out that because he changed who he was in the past, he became a different person in the future. Absolutely disgusted, Picard calls out to Q and insists he get things in order. The following conversation takes place: 

Lt. J.G. Jean-Luc Picard: You having a good laugh now, Q? Does it amuse you to think of me living out the rest of my life as a dreary man in a tedious job?

Q: I gave you something most mortals never experience: a second chance at life. And now all you can do is complain?

Lt. J.G. Jean-Luc Picard: I can't live out my days as that person. That man is bereft of passion... and imagination! That is not who *I* am!

Q: Au contraire. He's the person you wanted to be: one who was less arrogant and undisciplined in his youth, one who was less like me... The Jean-Luc Picard *you* wanted to be, the one who did *not* fight the Nausicaan, had quite a different career from the one you remember. That Picard never had a brush with death, never came face to face with his own mortality, never realized how fragile life is or how important each moment must be. So his life never came into focus. He drifted through much of his career, with no plan or agenda, going from one assignment to the next, never seizing the opportunities that presented themselves. He never led the away team on Milika III to save the Ambassador; or take charge of the Stargazer's bridge when its captain was killed. And no one ever offered him a command. He learned to play it safe - and he never, ever, got noticed by anyone.

Q, out of graciousness of his heart I guess, lets Captain Picard fix his 'fixed' regrets, and relive the events to happen the way they originally happened. And then, for some reason, he allows Picard to live, and finish his life as the person who he is. 

At the end of the episode Picard tells his first officer, Commander Riker, about his 'near death' experience. He states, 

"There are many parts of my youth that I'm not proud of. There were... loose threads - untidy parts of me that I would like to remove. But when I... pulled on one of those threads - it unraveled the tapestry of my life."

Mmmm! LOVE that episode! It has it's dog poop, but I love what it teaches me about my past, my present, and my future. Even Cpt. Picard has knots in his past! He got stabbed in the heart  for crying out loud! But they helped shaped him into the person he is. 

I wish this episode would've concluded with the reading of this poem, written by Corrie ten Boom: 

“My life is but a weaving

Between my God and me.

I cannot choose the colors

He weaveth steadily.

Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;

And I in foolish pride

Forget He sees the upper

And I the underside.

Not ’til the loom is silent

And the shuttles cease to fly

Will God unroll the canvas

And reveal the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful

In the weaver’s skillful hand

As the threads of gold and silver

In the pattern He has planned

He knows, He loves, He cares;

Nothing this truth can dim.

He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.”

Sometimes God weaves in the knots. Sometimes we do. I'd really like to get rid of my depression, this dark thread of the past couple years! I'd really like to yank out the colors that make me feel stupid and embarrassed, and untie the knots that lead to my depression. 

But doing so would change who I am, and who I will be. 

Who knows what good will come of my depression?
Who knows how many people I can help with my experiences?
In the end, who knows what my tapestry is going to look like?

God does. He knows. I just need to trust Him. I know that, in the end, the tapestry of my life will be very beautiful. 

-Cool Mamma 

Images and quotes found at the following locations: 

http://metapreneurship.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/JeanLucPicardmeetsQwhilehavinganeardeathexperienceTNGepisodeTapestry.jpg
http://www.therpf.com/attachments/f9/star-trek-tng-naussicaan-sword-tapestry-tapestry070.jpg-198990d1371523123
http://www.treksinscifi.com/trekdaily/pictures/2008-06-29-Tapestry.jpg
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0708782/quotes